Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
