My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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