Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This baby is an asshole
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
