so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
