She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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