And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
