Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
