I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
