I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
