best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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