I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
