You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
