I feel like abortions should bother me more
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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