Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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