Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
