You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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