her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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