she told me i tasted like america
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
