Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
