I got chris browned last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
