I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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