Nicole vs. Life
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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