I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
