whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
