Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
