come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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