And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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