my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
