you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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