Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
