Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
