Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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