You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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