the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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