I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
