So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
