The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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