i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
