white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
