You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
