He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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