I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Porn is love you can see.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
