Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
