That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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