its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
