I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The air was thick with penises
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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