Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
