No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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