When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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