i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
