Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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